well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!