Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think your dad took our porno
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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