If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.