I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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