ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...