i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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