I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
