i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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