you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
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How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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