As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
