dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
