I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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