God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
