hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
