just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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