she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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