Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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