just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
