I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
