She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
they call him Oral-B. enough said
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
