Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
