I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
