You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
