I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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