Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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