You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize