4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
