i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
