Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
