Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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