drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize