I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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