So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
