I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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