Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
