Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
