Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
