you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
