hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
