oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize