i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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