i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm passing your future prison.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
