I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
