I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
