You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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