I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
