Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
