great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
