I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
