The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
