just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
