We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't think brook has ever known best
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
