i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
