I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
