I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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