sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
