Already got asked if we're dating
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
