And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
