i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I DEMAND FORESKIN
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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