What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
