Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
being pregnant is like rehab
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
