I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
