forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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