I got chris browned last night
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
