I want to walk on stilts...naked
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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