Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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