I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
