Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
