One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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