Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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