Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
