I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
