The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
