jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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