I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex