I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.