This girl is more easily done than said...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?