i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?