Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos