I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
