she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.